Last updated:

November 4, 2022


 min read

What Do Sex Dreams Actually Mean?

Woke up after a dream so scandalously fun you can’t share it, and now you’re not sure what it means? We’ve got all the answers for you!

Reviewed by
Written by
Paridhi Gupta

Sex Dreams - How Common Are They?

As shocking as it might feel to have a wet dream for the first time or to wake up with an erection, they’re extremely common, which is unsurprising if we think about how big of a role sex and sexuality play in our lives. Some studies show that sex dreams make up over 8% of all dreams!

But does this mean that every sex dream indicates that you want to have sex? What is the meaning of having sex in dreams? Especially when it’s not with your partner, or even more confusing, with someone you’d never actually think about getting it on with? If you’re struggling with these questions, keep reading as we try to clear all your doubts.

Why Do We Have Sex Dreams?

First things first - sex dreams are nothing to be ashamed of. They’re perfectly normal and beyond our control, like most dreams. Having a sex dream doesn’t mean your libido is suddenly higher or you subconsciously want to have sex (nothing wrong with that, either).

Like most dreams, sex dreams are layered, complex, and depict certain themes, ideas, or needs that you haven’t been able to fulfil in the real, waking world. It is impossible to generalize every sex dream and its meaning since we all interpret things differently. However, certain common themes can be associated with specific types of sex dreams.

Dreams Involving A Teacher, Boss, Or Someone In Authority

When it comes to sexual dreams about people who hold a position of authority, it is usually our mind’s way of getting us to reflect on our expectations of ourselves or those from the most influential people of our childhood - our parents. Fantasising about adoration and attention from an authority figure might be our mind’s way of gently nudging us to acknowledge the unmet need for love and affection from our fathers or mothers, which we’ve carried within ourselves all these years.

Another possible interpretation could be that you’ve started acknowledging those qualities of leadership, power, and authority within yourself. Your dreams are a way for you to connect with those parts of your personality symbolically. Your boss, teacher, or anyone you look up to might simply be a manifestation of those traits.

Dreams About An Ex

It can be quite the guilt trip if you find yourself dreaming of an ex. Am I regretting ending things with them? Am I being unfaithful to my partner? In reality, the answer could be something entirely unrelated to the ex in question. Instead, your sudden dreams about them could point to the qualities they represented and whether you might be feeling the absence of those qualities in your current life or relationship. It may also mean that your current relationship is following the same pattern as the one with your ex without you being consciously aware of it.

Dreams About A Stranger

We get it - assigning a deep, emotional meaning to sex dreams about a stranger feels too far-fetched. After all, what even is there in this dream apart from sex? Well, think again! 

Such dreams are more of a mirror for our hidden desires and thoughts than any other. If you’ve been dreaming of a faceless person, they may be a symbol of those parts of your identity that remain hidden and unacknowledged. 

Should You Be Concerned?

Sex dreams are not an illness, but if it’s causing you significant stress and discomfort, here are three things you can do if you want to stop having sex dreams:

Get Journaling

Since sex dreams are often a way for our mind to make us face our unacknowledged emotions, desires, fears, and thoughts, getting in touch with those emotions can significantly reduce the occurrence of those dreams. Journaling is a great way to do just that. You can make a habit of writing down all your thoughts and feelings at the end of every day. 

Consider Masturbating or Having Sex More Often

If the wet dreams are getting too frequent and uncomfortable, you might benefit from masturbating more frequently or having sex more often with your partner(s).

Talk It Out

Sex dreams can cause a lot of guilt, especially in relationships. Create an open, healthy channel of communication with your partner and discuss your worries with them so that you can proceed to handle things effectively.

Need Help?

Sex dreams are nothing to be ashamed of or worried about. But suppose they’ve been happening more frequently than you’d be comfortable with or are causing you significant distress. In that case, consulting a sex therapist or other mental health and sexual well-being professionals could benefit you. 

Not sure where to find affordable, confidential help? We’ve got you covered. Check out Rocket Health’s convenient online services today!