Imagine this
It’s your favorite festival; there is amazing food everywhere; the home is hustling and bustling with family members chatting and laughing loudly; everyone is adorned in their most gorgeous outfits. Festivals are a time of excitement and joy. They’re fun!
Now imagine sitting thousands of kilometers away from India, in a small flat with strangers for roommates. You still see all the amazing food and the chaotic family members and the gorgeous dress… but all from a small phone screen. The celebrations that felt like a given occurrence every year feel so far away now… as does your country… as does your family… and as does your own sense of being.
In a faraway land, having friends to celebrate festivals with feels like a privilege. A privilege that not many have. And just like that, festivals are not fun or exciting anymore. Now, they bring about a sense of loneliness and sadness.
That is what being an expat Indian feels like, not just on big festivals, but often even in daily life when you feel so different from the people around you.
Why this discourse matters
As of 2023, the Indian diaspora is the largest overseas diaspora in the world (Ministry of External Affairs, 2023); a huge population quietly navigating complex battles like identity crises, grief, and learning to build a life from scratch.
For many, “shifting abroad” is a dream realised. It’s an opportunity for a better life, and it sometimes is. However, it also comes with loss, disorientation, and renegotiation of who you are.
Diving deeper into the experience
Culture shapes identity
Research shows that Indians derive their identity from group membership, looking to the group for guidance on values and behaviour (Sinha et al., 2001). This is because India is a collectivist culture where belonging and community are central, with individuals expected to participate in communal life, shared festivals, and family decisions. When all of that is suddenly thousands of kilometres away, the loss becomes social and personal.
There is often a significant difference between first-generation immigrants (people born in India, who moved abroad) and second-generation immigrants (their children who are born in the foreign land). This is because our identity is shaped by the culture we grow up in. It is influenced by what the culture teaches us about gender, morality, our role in family, and our place in the world (Maehler & Daikeler, 2024). Thus, the parents’ identity and values are tied to Indian cultures and practices back home, whereas the children are learning to build an identity based on what they see around them in the 2nd country.
Racism poisoning identity
Another major factor that influences identity is racism. Racism is a form of discrimination based on race and the belief that one race is superior to others (Merriam-Webster, n.d.). Thus, racist acts are often shame and disgust-based.
Experiencing racism due to your Indian identity can infuse shame into that identity. Racism can be everywhere, from subtle jabs and microaggressions to violent and even fatal attacks, like this incident in Canada, where a Sikh man was assaulted simply due to his ethnicity. Over time, with such experiences, people begin to quieten their identity to maintain safety.
Expat Indians who change their way of dressing, talking, and eating are not doing it because they are ashamed of their origins, but rather to keep themselves safe.
Belonging neither here nor there
One of the loneliest aspects of the expat experience is feeling like you don't fully belong anywhere. In your new country, you're seen as too Indian. Back home, you've become too foreign; any difference in opinion is seen as “you’ve changed,” or “you’ve become too western after going abroad.” The expat stereotype that they have “outgrown” their home country is perpetrated through casual comments like “he lives in Canada, he can’t handle spice like us anymore,” or “She lives in Dubai, she has forgotten all about us,” “she’s different from us now” - it’s said humorously and without malice, but can land sourly to the ears of people who already feel a loss of their membership to India.
It causes a further loss of belongingness as you feel you belong neither here nor there. The feeling of not belonging can manifest in anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem (Carlson, 2017).
Belonging is a fundamental human need
As discussed thus far, moving abroad and experiencing a loss of community can negatively impact one’s sense of belonging. Alfred Adler, founder of Individual Psychology, argued that belonging is a core human need. Feeling excluded or insignificant can seriously impact mental and emotional health (Carlson, 2017).
The loss of community might be even harder-hitting for Indians. As collectivistic people, we exist in close relations with people; always calling family and friends, visiting people at the hospital with home-cooked food, inviting 500-1000 guests to our wedding, showing up day or night for our loved ones in need. This may seem normal to Indians, but not all cultures and countries are like that.
So, when you suddenly move away to a new place with not many friends or family, the shift amplifies feelings of loneliness even more. This, yet again, hits harder when you are sick and there is no one to cook you comfort food anymore, or it’s a time of celebration, and the crowd celebrating with you is a fraction of what it used to be back home.
A sense of belongingness is not just a need, but also a way to support emotional health. Adlerians suggest that a sense of social belonging/social interest can protect people from the negative impacts of stress and anxiety (Rasmussens, 2006). Social belonging often acts as a major resource for coping with life’s adversities. People who are socially connected tend not to rely on substances for coping as much either (Prinz, 1994).
Therefore, social gatherings, maintaining friendships, and engaging with the local and home communities are not just about passing the time and having fun; it is medicine.
Aiding and empowering expats: what can help
- Stay connected to your community. Find cultural groups, clubs, or events happening in your city to stay connected with other Indians, build a “home away from home.”
- Engage with people of your new country. To build a meaningful and fulfilling life, growing roots in your new home country is essential. Assimilation in the new country is linked to higher life satisfaction (Angelini, Casi, & Corazzini, 2015)
- Carry home with you by decorating your home, cooking Indian food, lighting incense, calling family frequently; anything that brings a little piece of India or your culture into your new space.
- Talk to a culturally-sensitive therapist. The impacts of immigration are complex. If you are having a difficult time processing the intense, contradictory emotions or are finding it difficult to function in this new life, speak to a therapist. In therapy, you can process, explore, and, most importantly, feel heard and seen. As someone who lived out of India for 15 years, I understand and integrate this cultural lens intentionally and compassionately in my own work.
Even across oceans, the threads of belongingness can always be rewoven; the hope for it all lies in the efforts to connect with others.
References
Angelini, V., Casi, L., & Corazzini, L. (2015, March 17). Life satisfaction of immigrants: Does cultural assimilation matter? - Journal of Population Economics. SpringerLink. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00148-015-0552-1
Carlson, & Englar-Carlson, M. (2017). Adlerian psychotherapy. American Psychological Association.
FirstPost. (2026, April 27). ‘Get Out of My Country’: Sikh Man Assaulted in Canada, Police Probe Hate Crime | Firstpost America [Video]. YouTube. youtu.be/YmFsTyznqKQ?si=yyzy2JUQkykclHD_
Maehler, D. B., & Daikeler, J. (2024). The cultural identity of first-generation adult immigrants: A meta-analysis. Self and Identity, 23(5–6), 450–483. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2024.2399559
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Racism definition & meaning. Merriam-Webster. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/racism
Population of overseas indians | ministry of external affair. (n.d.). https://www.mea.gov.in/population-of-overseas-indians.htm
Prinz, J., & Arkin, S. (1994). Adlerian group therapy with substance abusers. Individual Psychology: The Journal of Adlerian Theory, Research & Practice, 50(3).
Rasmussens, P. R., & Dover, G. J. (2006). The Purposefulness of Anxiety and Depression: Adlerian and Evolutionary Views. Journal of Individual Psychology, 62(4), 366–396.
Sinha, J. B., Sinha, T. N., Verma, J., & Sinha, R. B. (2001). Collectivism coexisting with individualism: An Indian scenario. Asian Journal of Social Psychology, 4(2), 133–145. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-839x.2001.00081.x
